Full Circle?

You know, I find it interesting that I am in the place that I am in my life--with trying to figure out what I want to do. It's ironic because, as I browse through my earliest posts (See Cafe Camille tab/page--Entrepreneurship Endeavor Section: https://camillesavoncafe.blogspot.com/), I realize that I have been here before. What's even more ironic is that I began blogging in pursuit and to journal that endeavor. Coincidence? I think not! Rather, I think God has a calling for me and has been waiting patiently for me to step into it. Now, I'm not saying that I'm mature enough yet. I am still just as confused (ok, maybe not AS confused) as I was at the beginning. But, when you keep returning to the same place, there's got to be something to it, right? I think you would be floored if I shared the amount of grief I've experienced over the last 4 and, even, in just the last 2 years (Not sure how this relates to the current topic, but I write like I think so hold on!). Satan is busy, y'all! I need someone to tell him to get up off of me! I so often hear people say to me "You're so strong!". But, uhm, no! As I always reply, God is stronger in me than I appear to others! True story! I've recently been blessed with so much warmth and support that my cup runneth open! I feel so undeserving and am speechless to think that God is still interested in me or compassionate about me...I'm SO unworthy! I'm not always obedient, and I'm learning that there are tainted parts of me that I never realized existed...I lie ashamed before God! But, STILL, He loves me! I can't explain why, or how, I love a man that allows such personal pain. But, I know He's no ordinary man! Truth is, He was my first love! I somehow knew Him before I knew the alphabets...crazy, right? I know. But, I diverge. So, what's that Bible verse that says the present troubles are nothing compared to The Glory revealed to us (I Googled it---Romans 8:18 & 2 Corinthians 4:17--I think I like the latter better)? Well, strangely, I believe all that mumbo-jumbo (no disrespect) stuff. So, I've experienced the lost of both in-laws, a close cousin, my mother, her mother (while she was going thru her own fight), and my father--all to the same disease--and all over the last 4 years, with my parents and grandmother being just under 2 years ago. Ludacris, right? I mean, I couldn't write a better thriller novel, if I even cared for writing. Well, I think I'll stop there and leave more to write/share on future blogs. Any questions/constructive criticism welcomed!